Excess of Opinions

THE VERY DEFINITION OF “MEDIOCRE”, AND EXTREMELY BORING. how can a movie with shit blowing up and aliens and destruction be boring, you ask? with flat, unrealistic special effects; terrible dialog like something out of a school play; bizarre plot devices that make very little sense; and wooden actors.
and let me remind you: i _loved_ Waterworld. clearly i am not a sci-fi snob. i like and respect the original movie, but i went into this with extremely low expectations after reading reviews and still this movie managed not to meet them.

plays like Zack Snyder only felt confident in his direction after he got halfway through – it’s a little uneven, especially through the first hour, but you know what else is uneven? the graphic novel.

i support pretty much all the story/detail changes made, and for all its initial awkwardness the movie really gathers steam by the midpoint and commits, turning out actually pretty awesome.

Rorshach and Nite Owl are virtuoso performances, startlingly identical to the source characters, visually and spiritually. Jackie Earle Haley, HOLY SHIT; that is a talented motherfucker.
(Malin Akerman: also spot on, although i never did like that character so i care less about her great acting.)
The Comedian isn’t as strongly acted as i’d have liked, and i feel Ozymandias was played in a way that might ruin an important plot suspense point that occurs late in the game.

TERRIBLE MUSIC! *PTOOIE*, they should be ashamed of their shitty music! i can’t decide if the awful music was artfully intentional, and therefore a tragic misstep, or just a mark of an incompetent music department. decent music would have brought this up at least half a star for me, if not more. it’s hard to describe how lame and jarring the music is – shitty, shitty, shitty.

SO MUCH FUN!! HILARIOUSLY FUNNY! SHIT BLOWED UP REAL GOOD!
seriously, Chris Pine is so spot-on, it’s unbelievable. the whole cast is just perfect, and did i mention they blowed shit up real good?! generously peppered with references to old series, both comic and subtle.
not going to be nominated for an Oscar, sure, and there are some awkward moments, but who cares? this movie kicks ASS, and knows it.

super rad! very layered and even a bit funny in parts, and lots of shit blows up real good while also having a compelling plot. the protagonist is a killer good actor – i’m a sucker for a hero that starts out a nebbish, as well as faux documentaries.
occasionally a wee bit heavy on the Anvil of Morality, but i liked this movie when it was called Enemy Mine so i didn’t mind.

NOT the creepy Solaris-clone it looks like (which was a wee bit disappointing for me, actually), but i love a good Clones Are People, Too story. it has a compelling story, and Sam Rockwell is spectacular as always. i might have preferred a movie about what happens AFTER this one, but i liked it nonetheless – nice job, Ziggy Stardust Jr.

Sam Worthington is superb, but this suffered from a criminally bad script. the plot was far too thin and mostly stupid, padded with cliche dialog. everyone did the best they could, but with this script the movie should have been 45 minutes long. but Sam Worthington; holy crap, he’s good. and Ron Howard’s girl is a beautiful creature to look upon.

and you know what else? the cinematography sucked ass, and the DP deserved the reaming Christian Bale gave him. after watching this, I’M going to go kick Shane Hurlbut’s ass. everything was colored too cold and shot too close – it was like watching TV, except the Terminator TV show is better shot than this movie. had a significant impact on my already-strained suspension of disbelief.